How to Build Trust

Once you’ve discovered what trust is and how it works, you can then learn how to build trust in relationships.  Hopefully examples from a classic Disney movie can help me explain how to build trust in another person. Please direct your attention to the movie Aladdin (or re-watch it to refresh your memory).  There are many instances within this movie in which the characters needed to trust each other.  Some examples include when Jasmine needed Aladdin’s help escaping the guards, when “Prince Ali” invited Jasmine on a magic carpet ride (cue song here), and when the Genie puts his trust in Aladdin to free him with his last wish.  In each instance the characters were participating in building trust with each other. These scenarios will be used to illustrate the steps necessary in trusting others and can be applied to family members, friends, co-workers, and intimate or romantic partners.

Step 1:  Do not compare the person you wish to trust with others from your past.

This one may seem like a no-brainer, but it had to be said.  We’ve all been hurt and had our trust in another broken. Often the pain and betrayal we’ve experienced clouds our judgement of others.  It can be a difficult hurdle to overcome, but a necessary one when it comes to trust. Keep in mind that the person you wish to trust is not the one who hurt you.  It’s unfair to them, and to you, to hold onto this hurt and allow it to prevent you from trusting others. Letting go of past hurt is best though takes a great deal of time, so at the very least, do not allow it to get in your way of forming new bonds of trust in others.  The Genie’s trust in Aladdin to free him is an excellent example of moving past your hurt, acknowledging that not all people are the same, and allowing oneself to put trust in another after being hurt. Genie has had many masters who have said they would free him but haven’t.  When Aladdin proclaims he will free the Genie, he readily puts his trust in him and does not allow past betrayal to rule his choice to trust.

Step 2:  Focus on what you know about the person you wish to trust.

What characteristics does this person have that encourages trust?  What do you know about this person’s intentions, motivations, and beliefs?  Do others view them as trustworthy and a good person? Understanding the goodness in a person can help you to take a risk in trusting them.  Similarly, even not knowing who a person is can be a reason to trust them as well. You are then provided an opportunity to learn first hand what kind of character they have and who they are.  Jasmine’s trust in Aladdin in the market, and “Ali” with the carpet are examples of both these scenarios. In the first, Aladdin asks her to trust him after he helped her dealing with the fruit vendor.  At this time, she already knew he was trying to help her which made it easier to trust him when he asked her to jump to escape the palace guards. Later, when “Prince Ali” asks her to trust him and go on a magic carpet ride, she knows almost nothing about him and gives him the chance to prove to her his character/who he is.

Step 3:  Take the risk and engage in the act of trust.

Trust is a choice you make and an action you take when faced with a situation in which betrayal or something bad is possible.  Jasmine jumped with Aladdin, she flew with a “Prince” she barely knew around the world, and Genie placed his freedom in Aladdin’s hands.  Any one of these could have ended in disaster and/or betrayal. Yet each time, people made the choice to trust and acted on that choice.

Step 4:  Manage your own emotions and thoughts when engaging in the act of trust.

Trust requires risk.  It’s a necessary factor.  Risks can trigger any number of emotions, particularly anxiety and fear.  These emotions are your early warning system that something could go wrong.  They may sound an alarm when danger is a potential but not imminent. Fear and Anxiety will tell you all kinds of horrible things which are frequently untrue.  This isn’t a bad thing or a good thing. It just is and its there to keep you safe. Work to manage your emotions so they don’t control and guide your decision making or actions. Jasmine struggled with her own concerns when asked, “Do you trust me?” twice by Aladdin.  When asked, she hesitated. While we cannot be 100% sure why she hesitate one possible scenario is that she took a moment to calm herself before acting. In doing so, she was then able to put herself in a risky situation regarding trust (and physically safety! TWICE!).  Without managing her own emotions, she may not have jumped to flee the guards or ridden on the magic carpet.

Step 5:  Repeat steps 1-4 when appropriate.

In order to foster a feeling of trust, you must continuously make the choice to actively trust others.  Feelings are stimulated by the world around ourselves. They simply react. If there is nothing to “react to” your feelings, beliefs, or confidence in others can’t grow and develop.  Therefore, you must continuously take risks in trusting others. The more you do it, the easier it will be to perform all these steps in the future and your trust in the other will grow.  The characters in this film continued to work on trusting each other. We know this because there are two other movies and an animated series in which they are given the chance to choose to trust in one another and build trusting relationships.

BONUS: The movie, Aladdin, also shows examples of trust being broken. Aladdin briefly considered not freeing the Genie and lied to Jasmine about who he really was (a thief rather than a prince).  Naturally, both the Genie and Jasmine were upset. However, later they continued to choose to trust Aladdin. This shows us that even if someone makes a mistake and does not show us they are trustworthy in one instance, it does not mean they are a bad person or not to be trusted ever.  Instead, it may show us that they made a personal mistake. It takes time and continued choices to build trust in another. Similarly, it takes time and continued bad choices to break down that trust.