How Does Counseling Work?

Recently someone asked me, “How does counseling work?”  It wasn’t until that question that I realized therapy is a rather mysterious experience.  Sometimes it honestly seems like magic happens because its difficult to pinpoint what exactly creates lasting change and growth in therapy.

The short, mechanical answer to the question, “How does therapy work?” is that a mental health provider helps you work through and overcome emotional, mental, relationship, or situational issues through talk therapy; where you and the counselor enter into a conversation with each other.  You may learn new skills, gain new insights or understandings, and process emotionally charged experiences. The therapist may provide “homework” to be completed outside of therapeutic sessions which encourage you to change actions, thoughts, behavioral patterns, and improve relationships that facilitate accomplishing your goals of therapy (the reason you sought out a therapist).

There are several important qualities of therapy which underlie these mechanics:

• A Good Relationship with the Therapist:  This is probably one of the most important factors for “therapy working” for you.  You have to be able to mesh well with your therapist. You need to find them trustworthy, feel comfortable sharing intimate details of your life, and be open to what they have to say.  Their therapeutic presence, philosophies, interventions, and way they speak need to match up with who you are and what you believe and value. This can’t be measured by degrees, work experience, or certifications.  This is a gut feeling that both you and the therapist experience. There has to be a “good fit.” If there isn’t, progress may be hindered (though not impossible). It’s likely you will be able to figure out you have a good working relationship with your therapist within the first few sessions.  If you do not find the therapist to be a good fit, don’t hesitate to try someone new (though, please, don’t ghost your current therapist). The relationship you have with your counselor is more important than its typically given credit.
• Hope:  This may be the second most important aspect of making counseling work for you.  I think Brené Brown defined hope best in her book Daring Greatly:  How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead.  She defined hope as “a combination of setting goals, having the tenacity and perseverance to pursue them, and believing in our own abilities.”   Hope motivates you to make changes. Hope encourages you to continue to pursue growth. Hope brings you confidence that a new way of living is possible.  It’s pretty clear how important hope is to “therapy working.”
• How the Counselor Uses their Training/Skills:  The therapist holds a lot of knowledge and information gained through their advanced training.  They must also process a lot of information throughout the course of the conversation with you. But how they use that knowledge and information; what they say, what they ask, what homework they encourage, prescribe, or develop with you should ultimately be aimed at the changes you with to make and the goals you wish to achieve.  This is no small feat. The choices they make during a session regarding interventions and homework makes “counseling work.” Without the knowledge and know-how, therapy would be no different than talking to a close friend or family member.

On the outside, therapy appears to be a conversation between two people in which one is paying for this service.  Simple, or so it seems. However, underneath are important qualities which set therapy apart from talking with any other individual and help “therapy work.”  Now that you know how therapy works, you can make it work for you!